Twilight…

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

Have you ever come to that point where you begin to question every decision you have ever made and every ‘friendship’ that you had ever thought you had?

In light of recent events that have shocked so many (the apparent suicide of Robin Williams) and brought to the forefront discussions on often uncomfortable topics I thought to address what makes a real, unshakeable foundation of support for those in need.

I have come to realize the real deep comfort found in being able to turn to one who holds the title ‘Abba’ (Father). I could not do so for my earthly father, unfortunately, as is too often the case. It was therefore a joy I learned late but with great relish. I  discovered that you CAN have a provider who is your best friend who is also the best listener, comforter AND ever present guide, who chastens with love. God is the only one who I have found myself able to run to in these moments of uncertainty or when shadows of past pain or decisions, regret, fears and the future fall over me. Even as I pour out everything to Him I do not need to, for He already knows. And I know I am already accepted (Isaiah 65:24– “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear“).

The above picture was taken when some ‘friends’ and I discovered a new park in Brisbane. That day was a beautiful one for an outing but about half way through I just felt very disconnected from everyone I was with. I have since been struck by the idea of the many John and Jane Does who walk among us. On that day I was not known to my friends, I was there but they didn’t really know where I was. Things were going on in my mind and looking at the beauty of the park and nature I just felt a weight I wanted to share. Contrary to what the post’s name may have led you to believe this post is not about Twilight– the so-called ‘epic’ story of the ‘love’ between the undead and the bloodless (yes that is what its about, just google Kristen Stewart :)).

Rather Twilight for me is about the clarity that can sometimes dawn in those half-light, shadowy moments. When we recognise the poignant beauty of a day just on the edge of being gone. The feeling you get when you contemplate the loss of time, never to return, a day that for good or ill is over and there will never be another do-over. All you’ve done or could’ve done in the moments you were given at that time is past and forever recorded in the books of life. My heart sort of squeezes in my chest with unfulfilled desires and anxiety.

Sobering thoughts often overtake me in these moments of reverie and as I turn to the ‘friends’ I am often surrounded by to share or spill what is burning on my heart I hesitate and something holds me back. Somehow I know they would not understand, somehow I feel sure I could end up earnestly, passionately sharing with someone who has no sensitivity to the issue and create awkward moments of inadequacy. Then I realize how easy it is to be alone in a crowd. BUT…  (thank God for buts!) the hope that we are assured of in these moments is that we never have to feel alone because there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

As I contemplate these promises I have become ever more reliant, I stop focusing on whats coming to an end and instead notice the beauty of the twilight. Its a different type of light that shines, as with the promises that God have granted to us . Though we may not always be able to live in the brilliancy of the midday sun yet in those cooler moments we can remember the Psalmists statement (94:19) “In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.”

May all who are seeking or hurting find comfort and assurance in knowing there is at least One who you could never shock and whose sympathies they could never exhaust.

Isaiah 31:8 – “The Lord himself goes before you  and will be with you ; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid ; do not be discouraged.”  

J