The first step…

“In every life a little rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary” -Longfellow

There is a saying that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. So, to be as upfront as possible by way of introduction, I will share  that I have a habit of narrating things in my head on a regular basis. It may be the writer and dramatist in me or I could just be certifiable…

An influencing factor may be my former obsession with the Sims game (shamefaced admission #1).

It plays out like this– a situation occurs or I am among peers, friends or other ‘real people’ and I find my mind drifting, though I appear to be paying attention and though I actually hear what they are saying. I find myself picturing  the ‘behind the scenes’ of the actions and motives of what all these people are doing and see their actions as sims characters with someone or something being the controlling factor. I narrate what I think they really mean when they say what they say or do what they do.

This habit also becomes a method of chastening myself or giving myself a pep talk when I do certain things. Everything is seen through the eyes of an objective third party observer. I don’t know what you will do with that information but I wonder if it isn’t possible that there could be others out there with even a slight similar inclination.

One of my favourite narrative phrases  to use in narration is the quote “into every life a little rain must fall” when i need to balance out some incident or occurrence or apply a dose of reality and humility to whatever feeling I am battling with.  I heard this line in a movie and cannot remember where. As I sat down to write this it began to drive me crazy that I could not recall the movie I had heard the phrase narrated in. This is despite the fact that I could hear in my head the playback of the narrator saying the line and recall the general scene at the time of the statement. I therefore went on a hunt on the “internets” to locate the source of this nagging discontent. I must however report that I failed or rather the internet has failed, I could not find it and hence  i think *gasp* that Google broke! I located every movie with every variation of a line similar or with a portion of the line I was looking for except the movie I actually saw. What I did discover however as a by the way find, as it tends to happen online, is that the quote originates from a poem.  I also rediscovered a certain Ella Fitzgerald song  which also utilises this quote which may have been the reason the line stuck in my head in the first place.

All this leads me straight into shamefaced admission #2 which is that I am as tenacious as a bull and as you can probably tell this doesn’t have to be over anything of great value. If i have started on a track it is hard to get my mind off of it.

This trait adds to the difficulty I am experiencing, having just returned to the Caribbean from Australia. I have found that as opposed to most of my friends colleagues who seem to consider going home as the ‘sun shining out’ I feel like this is the period of rain in my life. This is shocking and disconcerting. Shouldn’t returning ‘home’ where you grow up, especially when its a beautiful island,  be an experience you look forward to with anticipation and enjoyment as opposed to dread and  a feeling of loss or dissappointment? I do not know what to do with the guilty feeling of disloyalty i am beginning to feel towards my island because though I don’t want to, I must admit, despite missing my family and my favourite foods, my mind and soul have commenced on a new track which ‘home’ doesn’t seem likely to fulfil.  This is the test for me as I try to focus on the belief that wherever God has allowed you to be placed it is for your own good, your growth and His glory.

 

Be still sad heart and cease repining, Behind the clouds the sun is shining.                                                                                                                                 Thy fate is the common fate of all, In every life a little rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary.

till next time,

lost in familiarity….

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